December 4th I started my newest post...

December 4th-
So I sit here posting yet once again.My life that is all things consumed by pregnancy,children,miscarriage,preterm labor....

I sit here finding out that we are pregnant once again. I took a test five days ago, and burst into tears of happiness.We started trying in Nov, and low and behold, it worked! I will say we are very lucky to be able to get pregnant so fast, but it is holding on to the little baby that we have to worry about.I have a good feeling about this one,so I hope I am not jinxing myself.I just feel ok about it even though my stomach is in knots daily with worry...can't seem to stop that.I feel super tired,hungry, and so far a little nauseous..not bad yet.I am only five weeks along.This is just exciting and crazy.I wanted to be pregnant before Cora's birthday, and it happened! I shouldn't put pressure on myself like that, but I am a control freak and that is just who I am.

6weeks- So the puking occurred at the same time getting some sorta cold or virus thing. Mucus dripping down your throat only enhances the nausea. I am currently 7 weeks along writing about the past week. I didn't leave  my bed for days, and my moms' had to come watch Dexter since I was glued to the toilet/kleenix box/bed. It was a shitty week. Once my cold thing started letting up my all day sickness started to go away. I wasn't sick just in the morning, it was all day, and the worst at night. Night makes everything worse, I swear. I don't understand how people can eat nutritiously in their first trimester if you have nausea. The only items that sounded ok to eat were cheezits, coco pebbles, cheese, cream cheese toast, juice, and crackers.

7weeks same day-later in the night. Threw up my taco dip.I start getting sick yucky anywhere between 6-8pm. This is new for me. I wasn't sick with Dexter. Ughh, it's rough because I have issues with my stomach and it's difficult to stop throwing up once I start. Ever since I was little I have had this issue. Something with a weak pyloric valve, I believe. In any case, I usually end up in the ER from dehydration since I can't stop puking. So far I have been managing ok enough. It hasn't been continuous. Just once then done. Fingers crossed. With Cora I ended up in the hospital at 8 weeks because I had such bad all day sickness. Makes me think this one is a girl as well. With my last miscarriage I didn't have any sickness, so I thought that one may have been a boy. Ya never know, but it's a thought.

7 weeks 3 days- pretty cool that i have no bleeding...I bled with Dex and the last pregnancy. This one, nada.  Perhaps another good sign. Waiting for ultrasound on Jan 6th to see if all is well. I got food down today, so that is a bonus. Haven't done well with taking my vitamins. They just make me puke...

8 weeks- Gummy bear vitamins to the rescue + b6 + unisom = me feeling much better. Everyone gets you so freaked out that if you don't take your vitamins you are putting your baby at such risk, and the fact I couldn't keep my vitamins down was probably giving me much un-needed anxiety and not helping with my sensitive stomach already. Since the doc said I could take the gummy bear vitamins, which are delicious, might i add...i have been feeling much better. Coincidence, maybe, or maybe I was just getting over the hump of the 1st trimester sickness crap.. With Cora I was only sick for about 2 to 3 weeks as well...So this might be my norm. Or the worry part sets in and says, "uh oh, are my symptoms going away, is all well??" So either or, I gotta wait till my ultrasound to see what is going on. I got my blood and all that taken the other day, so if they don't call me from that, at least that part is fine.

We are still sorta pretending we aren't pregnant until we hear if everything is ok. We don't get to celebrate like most people or talk about the future baby until way later since we know what can occur. Having had early, and late pregnancy loss really blows since it forces the consecutive pregnancies to be so much less exciting in the beginning.

random thought-I told a girlfriend that when I was getting my blood taken, that the lady asked when I was due, and I just sorta sat there for a minute all confused...I really wasn't talking about that baby like it could actually potentially be viable yet, or have a chance to be born, because my brain just can't go there..I eventually told her August 6th like it was programmed to come out of my mouth. It was sorta odd for me though, and eye opening about how my mind was actually protecting itself from another loss. (if that makes sense)
I feel like things are progressing ok. My stomach is starting to pooch, I have all the healthy normal signs going on, so so far it feels ok. I just hate how I know how life will trick you so bad and put a damper on things. Sooo, I sit and wait. I make no plans of a future child, even tho I am supposedly pregnant.

Derrick seems pretty positive about this one, as do the rest of my family and friends, which is great. If I can't be super positive yet, it's good others can.

I have told a decent amount of family and friends, since I was pretty much bed ridden for two weeks. It's not something I can hide very easily. My clients know I never just move their appointments around for two weeks straight. They know me, and they know the drill when I get pregnant...being this my 4th time. FOURTH! One baby so far outta 4 tries. Can you believe that? I still can't. Anyway...no one ever knows what life will throw at them. I use to think I had so much control over my world, and yet, it's scary when you realize you don't.

8 weeks 2 days- Back to work! So far so good, just pooped.Tired and pooped. At least it's the normal stuff! It's nice Derrick will watch Dex at night for a few hours so I can just sit.

I recently had a few friends share with me they are also pregnant. Super exciting, yet also super awful thoughts in my head. (what if one of us miscarries!? how awful for the other person!) It's a common thought. It happens all the time so it is pretty horrifying to me. I don't want anyone else going through it, and  I don't want to go through it either..just hoping everyone is ok! Fingers and toes crossed.  I would say I would pray, but I am not sure about that whole thing. You can pray as much as you want, but it doesn't stop anything from occurring that will just occur..... Things just happen on their own,so I find just dealing with what is currently going on , and just trying to be patient is the best way for me.

TODAY!-JAN 6th! Ultrasound day. There is indeed in fact, a baby in there. Just one. It was moving, and had a heartbeat. PHEW! I guess I think I am pregnant now. I'm just about 10 weeks. Heartbeat was 170ish. Hearbeats are always fast in the beginning, It will get a little slower in a few weeks. Things the Doc said: 1.) Shots of progesterone begin at 14 weeks. Just like with Dexter, for precaution. Those I will get weekly.2.) Gotta also have those weekly appointments at the Maternal Fetal clinic. This is both scary and awesome. For one, I get an ultrasound basically every week, but two, I get to have specialists knit pick at every little baby detail and scare the bajesus outta me. For instance when they saw a bunch of cysts in dexters head at 16 weeks, and put us in a room with a tissue box...That was just a horrific experience..to which the horrible doctor with horrible bedside manner EVENTUALLY stated..most of the time those cysts just disappear....It's just that usually they disappear by 20 weeks, so ya never actually see them and have to worry...GOTTA LOVE IT. 3.) Dexter needs to be in a big boy bed before I get super big, Doctors words. She doesn't want me lifting him out of a crib, and said it would be nearly impossible anyway. No biggie there. So there you have it, in a nutshell!

Still very cautious, but there is nothing I can do about anything. Whatever will be, will be! Hopefully it will just BE!

Almost 2!

Dex is almost 2! Can't wait to celebrate with the fam, and see him actually enjoy/understand opening his gifts! It should be pretty fun. Little Man is doing great, and he is learning more words, even if we are the only ones that understsand what he is saying. What's cool is that since we can understand him more, he isn't freaking out as much. Maybe the terrible twos were over quickly?? Probably not likely, but that would be great.

We just got back from our first mini trip as a fam with Dex, at Great Wolf Lodge. It was so fun! I always thought I would hate being around a ton of kids all weekend, and it would be annoying, but it was the opposite. There is so much there for kids to do, that it makes life easy for the parents, and in return, more relaxing. I couldn't believe all the activities! I highly recommend this place for anyone who hasn't gone before. They even had booze in the pool area, awesome.

Dex really enjoyed playing in the water with the other kids. He is still getting used to sharing, and all that normal stuff. The funny stuff is when he copies kids. This one kid made a loud noise at him, so he copied him, but Dex has a really high voice, so it was the funniest sound. They did this back and forth for awhile, and everyone was laughing around us. It sounded like a hurt cat or something.

Rather than all the water play, Dex enjoyed the arcade the best. Derrick and him are becoming one person lately. It's SCARY. I think Dex already likes gambling. He was putting the coins in, winning tickets, eyes growing huuuge! He knew just where to bring those tickets to pick out his new toys. He chose CARS, of course. He kept telling the cashier lady, "Car, Car!,Mooorcycle!" She let him have one toy even though he didn't have enough tickets. hehe. He is working the eyes early!

We haven't done too much with potty training yet. He has just begun not likeing his diaper wet, and will take it off and give it to me. He will sit on the potty sometimes, but he hasn't gone in it yet. I'm not too worried about it like other parents. It seems like people are always freaking out about that and pacifiers. Seriously, he won't be an adult sucking on a pacifier, and wearing diapers by choice at 20. He will be OKAY. It's weird how many people look at you like you are doing things wrong, and it's not even their child. Does this make sense? I guess I may look at someone funny if their five year old was sucking on their boob though...that would be different, I guess. If you are reading this, lay off the whole paci/potty lectures please. Everything will be O.K. lol.

It's been 9 months since my miscarriage now, and I think we took enough time to calm our brains down. That was a pretty stressful time there for a moment. Sort of a whirlwind. We just may be ready to actually try for another baby now. We will see. My doctor said I would be able to fly for my brothers wedding if we timed it appropriately, and do extra testing to put everyone at ease. It was nice to chat with her and make me feel ok about the situtation. She even said we could time my shots so that I either am under 14 weeks, so I won't even need the shots yet, or if I am over 14 weeks and started the shots, we could sorta plan it around the trip, or teach Derrick to give it to me. I had progesterone shots with Dex weekly, and they want to keep me on the same plan for next time. Just precautionary stuff. Only thing that sucks is that it is the largest needle, and thickest weird oil stuff that injects into my butt/hip...Sometimes it hits a nerve and I can't walk, and it leaves a huge welt. It's pretty gross, but worth it. The walking part obviously blows...since I always get sciatica. Like I said before, all well worth it, but just more stressful than most peoples pregnancies. I have double the appointments as a normal person, and more chances to be freaked out since most people don't get early ultrasounds every week. It's nice, and awful all at the same time. Oh well, here's to the future ;-)

Been awhile!

LIFE IS BUSY, people. I have no clue where to begin. Let's start with the easy stuff, Dexter. He is almost two, which I am in denial about. My coworkers have to keep reminding me not to say he is one and a half. He will be TWO in two months?? What the H-Edoublehockeysticks??

He is in that terrible stage. I can't say terrible twos yet, since he isn't. So I will just say he is, terrible. Not all of the time, just at times, and when he is, he IS. He doesn't throw himself on the floor, but rather will throw things, or hit objects, or myself...whichever he prefers in the heat of the moment. It could come on at any moment in time. For instance, if it's time to go inside after playing, and he did not get the memo that it was time. Or just out of the blue he will cry and babble something we don't understand, and we have to try to guess, which gets him more upset..The joys of parenting a toddler! It's all so new. Someone had to remind me that two year molars happen about now, which could explain his altering mood as well.

Now for his sweet moments. He has begun kissing. He kisses photographs, booboos, stuffed animals, the cats, and he has started kissing our faces ;) He likes receiving kisses on his cheek or forehead. He will lean in close all smiley and give you a look that melts your heart, and then you kiss him, and he comes back for more a few more times. It's pretty adorable.

Everything to him lately is "mine!". He has claimed everything, even my cats. He walks up to Triz and says, "mine!". He takes Chelseas wallet and says "mine!". Ha ha. I wish he would claim my vegetables. No such luck. Still not happening. Oh well, peanut butter and bread is his staple food. I guess people can live off of that.

Dexters current interests still include anything and everything having to do with transportation. Bikes, cars, trains, airplanes, and four-wheelers. The obsession is massive. He points out every jeep, and subaru forrester, since these are what we drive. He thinks Derrick and I have many cars it seems. I will be driving him in my car, and he will see another car like mine out the window and yell, "Mamas car!" Then he looks at me all confused wondering how I can be in two places at once.

He does not want to color, read, or learn anything I want to teach him. He wants to take tv remotes apart, and put the batteries back in after he takes them out. He wants to turn the tv off and on. He knows how to play his own dvds, put them in, and push play all by himself. He gets so proud when he does this. He wants to sit in our car and push every button, making windows go up and down, he puts the key in, he does the sunroof, etc..(we actually let him do this on a nightly basis, it is his favorite past time)

I'm thinking he is not going to be an artist, dang it! He is an OCD nerd. Where or where did THAT come from I wonder??(sarcasm) He is a neat freak. Cleans at all times. Throws everything away. He doesn't let me leave anything out, he points and shouts, "uh oh!" as if it is the end of the world that I left a cup on the coffee table. I swear, it's just craziness. This is MY child??? lol.

It is pretty cool to communicate with him now, though, when he is acting rational. He can tell us what he wants or needs. Or he can at least show us. I can compromise with him, and he understands. It's neat that I can say, "Take one more bite of that turkey meatball, and I will give you some of my juice" and he will totally obey! Or he will bring me his shoes if he wants to go outside, and I say "we can go outside if we eat first" and he will get in his little seat and try to eat fast! He's pretty street smart.

K, I'm tired. Till next time.

Secret Life

Well I will admit it, one of the shows I have been following since it came out is, "The secret life of an american teenager". I fell in love with this show because when I got pregnant with Cora, the girl on the show was the same amount of weeks as me. It was neat to watch and be going through the same stuff. I just fell in love with the cast of characters, and got sucked in. Anyway, when I lost Cora I had to stop watching the show because it was too difficult. It's like we were on the same path, and then I went off in another life. When I got pregnant with Dex, I felt okay watching again, so I caught back up, and have been watching ever since. Basically, tonights episode was one of the other characters who had gotten pregnant nine months ago, but her baby ended up passing away. It was an extremely emotional episode that struck close to home. It was everyone assuming she had the baby and all was well, but then seeing the expression on the parents faces and knowing all had gone horribly wrong. It was like they took my story or something, and I was watching it as an outsider. I am glad they had that episode strangely enough. It sorta validates my feelings somehow. Anyway, I thought I would share.

I must manifest things to happen...

Well, I have gone and admitted it. I make stuff happen. When I was 15 I said I would own the salon one day. I made that happen. I said one day I won't be highly allergic to cats anymore, somehow that happened! I have been wanting family to move to MI my whole life, and guess what?? I have finally gotten that to happen, too! My cousin Erin will be moving to GR in the next few months (as long as her house in CA sells), and with that, I am assuming the rest of the family will follow shortly after. Muahahaha, my plan is coming into fruition! Carly, you know you are next! We can always call the salon Carshelles down the road. (just kidding staff, don't freak out!)

So, as everyone knows, I get the keys to my new salon June 1st. I am pretty much freaking out on the inside right now with excitement. FINALLY!!! I have been waiting a long time for this! I have known over a year that we were moving, and it has dragged on forever it seems. It is sort of like having a new child oddly enough. One never knows what hurdles will be encountered along the way! I am so thankful for all the staff and clients support. The stylists know how crazy I have been with trying to get everything situated, that they took on the role of getting everything ready for the grand re-opening, while I make sure we are for sure ready by June 7th, opening day. I couldn't ask for a more amazing staff. They are getting together to make signs/decorations, treats, and a raffle for everyone. Can you believe how awesome they are??

I am very lucky. It seems as though everything does happen for a reason. It took getting a new staff a few years ago, which was scary at the time for me..change can be scary, and it turned out so much better than expected. I have learned you have to have people on your team with the same vision, or else it just won't work. Our vision is basically to help others when help is needed, listen to our clients, make people feel good about themselves, and respect one another.

The new salon is not just my own touches. Every stylist had an opinion and hand in getting the new salon together. From paint colors, to stylist stations, from seating, to decor.....we all told each other what we would like to see! Get ready folks! It's finally going to be The Hair Co. now, not The Hair Co. from 30 years ago with 4 different owners taking over the same salon....hehe

Funny little boy...

Dex is 18 months!! Seriously? A year and a half already? When did this occur? Well, let's update you all on what Dexter man is doing. He is for sure growing taller, but not gaining much weight right now. He is loving certain foods one day, and then hating them the next. This keeps me on my toes, and we end up wasting lots of food. He looks like he is five to me, I swear!

Words he is saying often are "bubbles, car, boat, mama, dada, papa, baba, kitty, doggy,up, boobs(yes i taught him this), mooooo, bzzzzzz, quack(sounds more like a scream), circle(sounds like kirkle),nana(banana),beie(belly), ball,eyes, hi, bye, vrooooom, cracker, pee-pee, poo-poo,cookie, water (wa-wa), nigh nigh(night night) and beep

.

He says what we say all the time now. It's amazing in the last

week all he has said. Derrick said "oh god" the other day while we were talking about a dumb person on the news, and Dex said "ooooh god". Sooooo, now we must be careful I guess, but I doubt we are ever going to remember. Ha! The pediatrician asked if he was combining words, and he has been lately. He says byebye mamma, and that is considered combining I guess.

Our little man has one obsession, and that right now is, Wa-wa. This kid is ridiculous. He now understands that water is not just in his cup. It is outside in our creek, it is on the grass in the morning, it is in the sink, in the tub, it comes out of our refrigerator door, it is on his toothbrush, and on tv. We have to push the lock button on our water dispenser because he knows how to fill his cup, but then he just dumps it on the floor. He watches us water the plants, so he now knows how to water the plants. We go

outside and he screams wa-wa, till we get to the creek, and then points and says wa-wa, over and over again. He picks up sticks and pokes at the water. He splashes in the water. He talks about it non-stop. He also has figured out flicking water from his toothbrush at me, and thinks that is pretty funny. NOT funny. We have one bathroom with a tub, the other two have showers....so we have to close the door and lock him out sometimes because he wants to be in that tub all the time. (funny how he is just like his parents! we both love baths)

Let's see, little man also hums to songs to pretend he is seeing along, which is really sweet. If I sing the ABC's, he sings his garbly talk while moving his head back and forth with the tune. He knows how to dance, and if you say "spin, spin a Dexter!" he spins in circles..(yes I treat him like a dog at times) . He can locate your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, bellybutton, hands, feet, head, hair, tongue,etc.....when asked. He is fascinated with one body part, I need not mention. He just wants to always make sure he knows we see it, and how cool it is. He points with a funny grin.

He is obsessed with being outside, as all kids are, but he will have a tantrum if you try to take him inside when he is not ready. His tantrums luckily don't last too long, since he has such a short attention span. I have been doing the stern voice, saying "1", "2", and he doesn't want me to get to "3", or his fun will end. The funny part is that he makes fun of me. When I say "1", he knows he needs to stop being nau

ghty, so he puts whatever was in his hands down, and mocks me by putting one finger up on each hand and instead of saying "1", it's more the tone of my voice he copies, he puts both fingers up with a grin, and goes "uuuuhhhH", and then I say "2", and he puts his fingers up again, and goes "ooooooooH"...he is a riot, huh? funny, funny little guy, NOT!

I don't enjoy taking him to restaurants because then Derrick and I can't really relax. Dex doesn't eat very much, so he wants to get up and run around. Therefor, we don't get to eat, but rather, go on a chase...Soooo, that isn't too fun. He will be good sometimes, but ya never know what will occur!

Grocery shopping is actually more enjoyable with Dex because he makes it way more fun. I hate shopping at Meijer, but with Dex, Derrick and I show him everything, and Dex pushes the cart, and he says hi to everyone. It's pretty cool, and cashiers usually end up giving him a balloon when he bats the baby blues at them.

O thee that is white Formica..so long and farewell

Well it's taken some time for my brain to clear and get back to normal.. hormones not messing with me anymore. We have decided to wait on having another baby, and start the discussion again after summer. I want to get fit, have fun this summer, hang with my little man for his first summer where he will experience everything, which will be amazing to see! It will be nice to just concentrate on him, and not have to worry about pregnancy.

Also, the new salon will be here in a matter of months..or rather, a little over one month!! This is more than just a change of scenery for me. For those of you who know me well, you understand that this is a world changing experience for my family and I. Buying a business at 23, with little to no business knowledge, and having to learn the hard way how to manage people and trust mentors was quite the learning experience. There were bridges that were burned, lessons that I never thought I would encounter. Even though there was a lot of hardship that went through trying to own a business at such a young age, there were so many people that were there for me. My family helped me along the way through learning that you can't please everyone, and you can't be everyones friend as a boss. Although, I love my staff and consider them my friends, and would do anything for them, they still understand our business relationship as well.

This new place is sort of like my own fresh start. It has taken a few years to get to this place where the salon is at today. I couldn't wish for a better staff. The support, the comradery, the trust, it's just finally here. The vision that I have been searching for, for my salon, is finally here. What better way to show them my appreciation, then to have a salon for all of us, a fresh new start, that WE make our own. We will emanate ourselves through this new salon, not someone else's vision from 30 years ago. See ya white Formica, bye bye!

Feels like a year went by.

So, it's been a week or so since the miscarriage. It's like we were never planning for a baby after all. So weird to switch things up so fast. We will be trying again, but not for a few months. We were going to try when we were originally planning, and hope for the best then. That loss always lingers, but like I said before, we have been through worse...sadly...It always sucks though when people are trying to plan out a family and it doesn't turn out the way you expect. Being a woman, most women know this. Everyone I know has had some sort of pregnancy loss it seems. Every woman handles it different emotionally, but I can tell you this much, any time someone has told me they have miscarried, tears seem to always come out..and that says something...It says something like this " this sucks, i'm sad, i'm angry, did i do something wrong, is this going to happen again?" ARGH. Even though one isn't that far along sometimes, I guess I have realized that as much as I tried to be strong about everything, it is horrible. I do wonder if it was a boy or girl...and stuff like that...

People keep saying how strong I am and stuff like that, and are amazed that we can think of trying again after everything we have been through. I kinda think that is sorta silly to me, because I don't think of myself like that, or strong, etc....It's just the human need to have a family I think. I know at least it's possible because we have Dex...so it's natures force I guess that keeps us wanting to try again...I do think once we eventually hopefully have one more baby, I will be DONE with the whole pregnancy thing...at least for a LOOOONG while...unless we decide down the road for one more....which is highly unlikely. PREGNANCY SUCKS. There, I said it. I for sure don't do it well, but there are some parts I like:

1.) eating a lot = awesome

2.) not caring what clothes u wear just going for comfort and people understand

3.) the sweet parking at the mall and baby stores for expectant mothers

4.) feeling your baby kick is the coolest thing on earth probably..till it hurts cuz they are bigger

5.) hubby getting meals late at night for me...wait he does that now...scratch that..

6.) hearing that heartbeat is pretty amazing

7.) ultrasounds are amazing when good.....

things i don't like:(but am willing to go through obviously...)

1.) sciatica..it blows. ouch

2.) hip pain

3.) back pain

4.) puking

5.) hard to sleep

6.) leg cramps

7.) round ligament pain

8.) braxton hicks

Well hopefully in the future we will have some better/exciting posts...till then...It's on to Dexter!

What is Dexter doing?? "Dexter is learning to talk. He is pretty good about copying what you say. Some newer words he has been saying.. "all gone", "bubbles", "boobies"(ugh my bad), "hot", "car"....He is OBSESSED with cars, car commercials, cars in the driveway, toy cars, cars in magazines, cars on his pjs, waving to cars when we are out driving....waving to cars out the window...Have I gotten the picture across to you??

Also, when we grocery shop he loves to say hi to EVERYONE. He just waves and says "hi, hi, hi" and he will wait for a response. He basically will give you a sweet smile and stare you down till you answer him. He loves seeing kids out, it's like he is fascinated by little people.

He is also in a clingy only wants me to hold him all day while I am trying to run around and do dishes or laundry, etc...or cook...it's kinda frustrating because he just cries if I put him down. It also could be because he isn't feeling well with his cold, but still...I need to get some things done!

Today it was battle over the drippy snot day. What a joyous occasion...

Poster Child for Pregnancy Loss??

So, we lost the pregnancy, and I am back to myself again. Yes, of course we are sad that the baby is gone, but at the same time realized that this was not the right time. The relief I had when everything was said and done, made me realize that I wasn't even mentally prepared to go through another pregnancy just yet. I guess I pushed aside everything we went through to get Dex, and it was a very stressful 9 months going to three doctor appointment a week plus shots, tons of ultrasounds and turning my world upside down....and then, I got pregnant again and just figured since Dex came out okay, that maybe I wouldn't have to go through all that again. Turned out, when I met with my doctor after they saw the heartbeat, she said the specialists will want to take the same path as before, because I ended up with a healthy baby. Needless to say I was ready to do whatever they told me, but thinking about how that would be while having a toddler to watch, I was surely overwhelmed...I didn't think I would have to do all that again, and I was for sure stressed and upset thinking about it. I didn't know how I would have help every week to go to all the appointments, while working, while moving into a new salon, and not being able to be my full mommy potential to Dexter. This all was waring on me mentally. Also, having the dog to take care of as well...Sooooooooooooo...then I had all the bleeding which scared me deeply, I didn't want to lose this baby, but when I did, I finally knew I didn't have to worry about the blood anymore, I wasn't in limbo anymore, and I knew I could focus on what I needed to focus on and actually better prepare for when we do try again. I am not ready to try again any time soon. We will know when the time is right. This time we will actually plan it, and get things in order to prepare for everything we will need to do. We thank you for all your kind comments and prayers, and we are thankful for all your support. xoxo

Seriously?

As if mother nature hasn't messed with me enough already...it decided to throw me some curve balls. I was working all day, went to the bathroom and saw RED blood. Prior to this the past few weeks I have been spotting just old brown blood...which is supposedly normal. The doctor and nurses told me, if it's brown, you are all good, if it's red, please call us. Great, right?? So I call the doctor, and she says "well, sometimes people bleed, and I think you will be just fine because we saw the heart beat a few days ago"...needless to say it is hard to set the mind at ease when you are bleeding while pregnant...right? I basically went home to rest and put my feet up, which doesn't really work well with a 1 year old...so I ended up chasing him for awhile...until Derrick took over and played with him and put him to bed.

I have a pretty busy day again tomorrow, but my stylists have been doing pretty well with helping me shampoo or style my clients after I cut or color them. It helps so I can sit for those minutes at least. I didn't think I would have to start this early with getting "help". But I have learned to screw what people think, and just listen to my body. Everyone has an opinion either or, and this time I don't care what people think. I don't carry babies well, and if I need to take it easy, I will. With Cora I was working 40 hour weeks, no help, and look where it got me. I knew my body was sore, but everyone kept telling me.." so and so worked till full term, or nurses can do it, so suck it up, etc"...This time, and with Dex...I could care less now what people think. My staff is so supportive which is amazing..I guess we will just hope the blood doesn't keep coming back..that would make me feel better...

almost nine weeks

BABY IS ALIVE AND FLUTTERING! Saw and heard the heartbeat today. The secret is out, well, sorta, most of u knew! lol. Feeling much better about not having sickness cuz all is well! Finally feel like this is real now. It's all coming together. I will have to probably go on progesterone shots again weekly, and have weekly ultrasounds, but I will take it! Anything to help this little babe make it into the world :)

8 weeks 1 day

Had spotting once again today...was lighter than the first time. I feel as though carrying Dex around doesn't help any. My hips are already wrecked, and the sciatica has kicked in full force. You may ask yourself, isn't 8 weeks too early for all this? Sadly, no. You would think my body would be used to this by now. So, picking up Dex really sucks, cuz my hips burn, but my little love doesn't understand this, so I really don't have a choice in the matter. I have to get him in and out of his crib, and in and out of his highchair...so, i'm not sure how the rest of the world does this. "they" "doctors" tell you not to lift over 20 pounds for a reason....yet children weigh more than this....ah well. I will just have to suck that part up, and deal with the ouch factor, but I don't want to strain too much, because I feel as tho, that is the reason for my spotting..

In Charlie Sheens words, "my top half is for sure "winning" lol " You would think I had some plastic surgery done up in here.. Yay for that!

Still zero puke factor for me. Ultrasound in 4 days. Slowest week ever. Hopefully it's ok.

7 weeks

So I am 7 weeks, a little more tired. Still no sickness. This really does worry me...I was sick with the other two pregnancies...maybe I am just a trooper now, and used to it. I make sure to have food and drink by my bed...get a nap in when Dex does...who knows. It is still early..morning sickness could still come. It's just weird. I feel like I am in denial, and don't even feel pregnant..which also scares me..just a few more weeks till the ultrasound...ugh. I don't mind if people know that we are pregnant this early, if something happens, we will still tell people. It looks like so far we are due October 15th. So I had a baby in Dec, Nov, and now Oct....looks like I am going backwards..if we ever have another it should prob be due in Sept.(jk, i think 2 is the max)

My current baby is the size of a blueberry.

~7 weeks 1 day...just glad derrick is home to help when I need to take a nap. Dex still loves being carried, so I know that will have to dwindle the next few months... :(

~another day another freak out. Just want to know everything in here is growing ok. I feel pretty great, and that still worries me. Pregnancy is rough emotionally, people. I hope men reading this understand just how scary it all is. My mind is just so focused on knowing if things are ok, and how badly I want to share with the world everything going on...Not sure if I will share next week, or after the ultrasound...I am not one to hold things in. I have told lots of you already, but how can I not share with my friends? I would feel like I was hiding something, which I just don't do....Soon enough. I would love the next month to fly..

~8 weeks...spotting just once. I had this with Dex, but as one knows..spotting is pretty normal, or can maybe mean you are going to have a miscarriage....or could be an ectopic pregnancy...a missed miscarriage, or a molar pregnancy..... pretty awesome, huh?! Oh the joy! I seriously had blood clots come out while pregnant with Dex at around 5 or 6 weeks.....which was horribly scary, and I had gone to the ER, and it was too early to really see anything just yet...so a week later I went to my doctor, and they saw Dexs little heart beating at 6 weeks and 3 days old! So now I wait until Thursday for my ultrasound with this baby, and hope there is a heartbeat as well. Doctor didn't seem to worried about the little blood I saw today...so hopefully that stays at bay. I have been telling friends, family, and some clients about my pregnancy already, and it's nice to have people prayin for ya :)

Even though it's early, I already have my normal annoying symptoms...the first being my hips...they start killing almost right away..I assumed I had already spread a little from the past two pregnancies...seriously!? They just feel sore already. My other symptom is crying at everything. I still haven't gotten sick, and I just sometimes don't know what sounds good to eat...but I still find it scary I haven't puked yet. I seriously am a puker, so this is odd. I have a pretty sensitive stomach. Other symptoms...just needing fluids all the time..if I don't get enough I get a little light headed. I find it more challenging to take care of myself while having a 16 month old running rampant around me....So I really have to focus and make sure I eat and drink and not forget.I also run outta the house quickly to work, and sometimes forget food. If I am busy at work, my wonderful, beautiful coworkers will sometimes run out and grab me something. (luv you guys!)

Hmmm...what else...I haven't thought too hard yet about where this babies room will be, or how we will make it so Dex won't wake up hearing a screaming baby...once we know all is ok, we will go there...

It's been hard thinking about having two kids. I mean wow. TWO?! Eeeeek! Then I see a commercial for diapers or something and the little baby on the screen, and I just melt. It's so amazing! Coolest thing ever was giving birth to Dex. (It was cool cuz I couldn't feel anything, thank god!)...

(giving birth to Cora...was like...I can't describe it..I don't want to say the worst thing in the world, but more of a defining moment in my life...it was for sure the most painful physically and emotionally part of my life...but it happened, and that is that..It happened, it feels like it happen to someone else..I know I have pictures of her, and I see us holding her and everything...but it doesn't seem real..it feels like I was watching someone else's story.. If all goes well with this baby, I will have given birth three times..that really seems so strange to me as well...and in such a short span of time..from 08-11....three babies....can you comprehend this?

ruh roh!

So, I am starting this post sitting here being 6 weeks 1 day pregnant. We just found out the day before Valentines Day, and it was sorta a shock to us. We shouldn't be too shocked, but in the past 13 months we have not gotten pregnant, so we assumed we were in the clear like 95%...Anyway, enough with the TMI...

Basically I decided to take a test since I was on day 36 no period. To my SHOCK, I was preggo, and we weren't even trying. (again, don't judge) I was pretty freaked right away and started saying "SHIT" a bunch of times running down the stairs to Derrick who pretty much assumed I was pregnant. We didn't do much that day but avoid eye-contact. We were sorta in denial and pretty outta it. Derrick decided to make Chelsea and I a feast, and we tried to talk about random stuff at the table...The rest of the night, I had to call a few close people and have them calm me down. (Obviously I was hormonal! :) So, after that I felt a lot better.

The next day Derrick and I went out on V-Day for a celebratory dinner. (We of course went to Branns so I could get my crab topped tilapia)...We finally let it all sink in, and the excitement was finally there. How cool to have the kids close together so they can play and perhaps be close as well. Maybe even hang out a lot. Who knows. I am also writing to keep my mind off the impending ultrasound March 10th. The first trimester is so scary! What if they don't see anything? What if something is wrong? I don't have many symptoms right now, is everything ok? I am so excited now but I hate that lingering "what if?" I am trying to keep my cool, but it's hard to talk about the baby yet, not knowing if everything is ok.

Will we finally get the little girl we were planning on the first time....Will we get another little boy, and start making plans for a soccer team? Will we have twins?? All we can know for sure, is pretty much nothing yet! Derrick told me I better not have twins, so if that does happen, I am gonna tell those kids what daddy said! ha ha. Anyway, let's see..I am hungry a lot so far. Thirsty a lot...a little emotional...sore boobs..That is about it. Not sick yet or anything. Also a little tired, which is to be expected while chasing a 15 month old around. I should really be napping right now...which I still might do..Writing this is also helping me avoid posting it on FB yet, although most friends know already anyway. Who knows. I will wait and go to the doc first. Ok, that is all for now. Naptime

January fun!

Hi all! So this month has been an adventure! I hadn't flown for a few years, and had worked myself up for months before my 2 trips..After having Dex, my extreme hate for flying got way worse. It wasn't to the point of stopping me from doing it, just the super anxious feeling, and fear of plummeting to my death, pretty much. Thankfully I had Carly(my cousin) with me for the first trip to CA. We both hate flying, and it was a riot to see us together trying to make the other one breathe, or eat twizzlers every five seconds to remain calm. No joke. ha ha. I have to say Carly did better than myself, she might think different...but I disliked the ride greatly! Needless to say, we made it safe and sound, and had a great time visiting her sister Erin, my cousin, and her new little bundle, Wesley! That trip was difficult being away from Dex. I think it was just a day or two too long for me. Dex was in love mode when I got home, so that was nice!

My next adventure was flying to FL to meet Derrick while he was away on business. This was to be a little more crazy for me. I am sorta a wuss, to put it frankly, and was nervous to travel by myself. Of course I sucked it up, because this was going to be a great get away for us, even if only for a few days. I was new to this de-icing the plane thing. I assumed I would just get on, and quickly get to Detroit to meet my connecting flight...but rather, we de-iced for like 30-40 minutes...and I was already panicking about making the next flight. We ended up landing when my next plane would have been boarding. Derrick called me and said my next flight was delayed 2o minutes, and that I should run like hell to the next gate. Mind you I was at gate C22, needing to get to gate A66!!! Needless to say, I ran like I never ran before. Turned out my next flight was NOT delayed, and I got there 3 minutes after the initial flight time(which was AMAZING, i might add)...and the gate man shook his head sadly at me, and gave me a new ticket for 3 and a half hours later! Go figure, right? I was just happy I could still get a flight the same day. Not sure what would have happened if I couldn't. Probably would have called all my Detroit friends to come get me! Hehe. I was pretty much 1 of a few others that also missed that flight. I was looking for someone to hang out with, cuz that is me, and I am social. Luckily, a wonderful girl came and sat across from me also distressed! We pretty much just looked at each other, and said "bar?" This was great. We hung out for three hours, and she turned out to be a writer for a hair magazine, go figure, right? Yes, we are now FB friends, if you were wondering. ;) When we got on the next plane, we also were in the same row, not the same section, but just across from each other. Turns out she hated airplanes as well, even though she travels for work. We kept checking each others facial expressions, if turbulance occured. haha. I know you are thinking I am sooo lame. I don't care. I am lame, and proud, and I love meeting new people. Especially this adorable 25 year old Columbian girl, dating a jewish boy. Seriously, could it get any better? ha ha.

I lucked out having the seat next to me empty, but I had a 50 some year old man sitting in the isle seat. He wasn't shy, and let it be known I could hang out with him while my husband was working. I for sure decided to go to sleep after this, and when I woke he told me he would have bought me a drink but didn't want to wake me. I thanked him for not waking me, and that I didn't want a drink. ;) We did however discuss investments, because that was what he does..so that was errr interesting...passed some of the time at least..maybe he was trying to explain to me how he now doesn't have to work, so he pulls money from them..and the whole time I was wondering why he was sitting in coach if he was so rich he didn't have to work...anyway....

So I made it to FL, introduced my new friend to Derrick, and said goodbye to my new bud! Derrick was proud that I didn't freak out, and made it safely. Turns out I kinda enjoyed my little traveling adventure so far.

Derrick and I immediatly went to a bar on the water at around 1am when I landed. That was fun and much needed. We met some very drunk business men in horticulture business, and let the amuse us that night. For some reason they had to tell everyone we were from MI every so often, and people were intrigued for some reason...Even though EVERYONE I met at our hotel was from MI, and everyone everywhere we went was pretty much from MI. So it was interesting..

We pretty much stayed at the hotel pool every morning, even when it was cold. I had a sweatshirt on over my suit, and laid out like this so I could at least tan my face! The other days were warmer at least! We had a great place to eat for breakfast next door, and I got smoked salmon every morning. We ate somewhere yummy for lunch and dinner each day. Food is amazing. I had seafood the whole time. We went to the awesome Hard Rock Hollywood Casino, and that took up two of our nights. We just walked around and ate at Hooters the second night. It was in the casino. We figured we already ate at the fancy place where they were serving $62 lobster. (We didn't get the lobster)

Needless to say, it was super relaxing, and we had a great time! This time however, I could have stayed longer. Dex was in great hands, and he wasn't really missing me it seemed! lol! Driving to the airport sucked the last day because I had to leave by myself again. Derrick had to stay and drive to Tampa for more work. Landing in Detroit was super depressing, I thought we had somehow detoured to Alaska. It looked like it, anyway. I was already frowning at the snow. I got home, and my dad was just about to drop off Dexter to me! They walked in the door, and he immediatly grabbed for me and hugged and hugged me. He was very happy! Then he helped me roll my luggage into the kitchen. Such a little helper. Then the excitement wore off, and he was running around playing with his toys. Ah well. Dex was also awesome for sleeping in until almost 9:20am...yay! He knew mommy needed rest from her travel day. :)

Now I wait for Derrick to come home on Friday! Hopefully not too many more biz trips coming up..(unless i get to go, hehe)

That's all she wrote!

:-P