Looking forward to the new year

It's been awhile, but Dex is almost ready for his 1st birthday! He is making us so proud with taking his first steps, and just being the best little boy we could ever ask for. The last few months it has been amazing watching him grow. From eating all sorts of new foods to pulling himself up onto everything in sight, and getting across the whole living room on two feet. We love his curly hair like his dad, and his blue eyes like...hmmm...no one has eyes like him!
Next year we have three out of state weddings, and we get to take Dex to FL and CA. We have another wedding in CO, but we will leave Dex home for that one. It will be his first time at Disney World! I know he probably won't remember when he gets older, but he lights up when he looks at ceiling fixtures or door stoppers... So imagine how much he will get to take in at Disney! I am nervous about taking him on a plane since he doesn't like to sit still...that should be interesting...He for sure got Derricks genes there.

Derrick has been doing great at work, and has recently had to travel for work once a month for about a week. Dex and I miss him, but manage well with help from both Grandparents. I work three days a week currently, and manage to fit in all of my clients. It's a blessing to be able to be with my son the rest of the week.

We are very excited to meet cousin Wes soon, and have a lot of joy to look forward to in the next few months. I am also thinking of my friends Laurie and Errick and their battle with Cancer. I know that "Trudy" will be shrinking away with each and every day!

With that being said I would like to say that I am also thinking of all of my family right now and Grandma Helen. She is an amazing woman, and we are sending her our love.

Zayde got his wish!

What a great weekend :) My Zayde was back in the rehab center minus his infections. He was just at the hospital for a UTI issue, and thank goodness was released back to rehab. We packed our bags and jumped at the chance to bring Dex to see him. We have been waiting and waiting because Zayde has been in the hospital since January. We were not allowed to take Dex at the time because he was too young, and Zayde had numerous infections and was on the contagious floor at the hospital. It was hard a few months ago, because when I went to visit him,I had to keep Dex in the lobby. It was sad for him knowing his great grandson was actually in the building but he couldn't go near him. At that visit, it looked literally like he was on his death bed. He couldn't talk, and he had an oxygen mask on. He couldn't even sit up or in a wheelchair. He was NOT himself by any means. I thought I was basically saying goodbye that trip.
So moving ahead,we got to his floor and he was waiting in the hallway. I was in SHOCK to see him like the man I knew prior to his last visit. For having congestive heart failure, he was doing as good as he can be. He was alert and speaking with his arms out waiting to hold Dex :)
Our visit went well, but Dex was pretty ornery from the trip down. We drove straight to the facility, so I had to quick change/feed/play with him to get him settled. He wanted to get down and crawl, but we weren't about to put him on that floor. It's still basically like a hospital. Needless to say we couldn't stay more than an hour and a half or so. Zayde also needed a nap, so the timing was actually ok. Grandma and him kept saying how much of a Swidersky he looked like. They couldn't get over it.
I'm still not sure how he has bounced back to his current state. Obviously he is much weaker, and needs a wheelchair, but my Grandma thinks there will be a chance he gets to go home. At this point I can say it could be possible, but only if he gets the strength to walk. My Grandma is a bitty little thing, and she wouldn't be able to care for him if he couldn't stand on his own. Zayde is one determined guy, I will give him that! All the people at the facility love him because he is a really kind man. When we got there they were all excited to meet Dex and congratulate Zayde for getting to meet him. It was a cool experience for sure :)

My brain is mush!

I have been getting a chance to see my gal pals lately, but life has sure been busy! I have been wanting to see my buddy Laurie who is home, and we finally got the chance the other day. Even though it was a short visit, it was so nice to just say hi, and have the boys together. :)It's also been great seeing Elissa every week! We have been getting dessert martini's these days..YUM! Yesterday to top off everything, I got to see Ann and get some Yucca Yucca!!!!!! If you haven't tried some, you must. Dex was sort of a grumpy pants when she came over, which is new for him. I am seeing some 'tude coming through!
Hallelujah! Today I got to see Lauren, Karen, and Tom! They had their bunches of kids with them. We went to Grand Rapids Township park. I had never been there before. It was awesome. Dex was getting sleepy so on the way home so I figured he would pass out. Note to self-Don't forget to put the pacifier back there for him if he is going to pass out. He cried for five minutes then passed out until we got home. Then he got his pacifier. Eeeeek, learned my lesson.
On another note. My cousin Erin just found out she is having a BOY! Wesley Lucas!(Not sure if I spelled it correctly) but how exciting! She will be here in just a matter of days for a visit! I am hoping they will be super close!
Now to go start packing for our week at Silver Lake!

Michelle & Renee meet!

Wow. Has time really gone by this fast?! I got to meet my buddy Renee all the way from Texas! Funny how it seemed like we knew each other our whole lives. It's not everyday someone can just meet a person online that feels like you have known them forever. Her family was just as I had pictured them. We all got along great, and it was such an easy, laid back, comfortable, relaxed trip! Her kids were just great, and we had so much fun with them! Doug and Derrick got along perfect,and we all just loved the babies up.
We went to the largest Children's Museum around! It was so cool! We also enjoyed our complimentary alcoholic beverages at the hotel from 5:00-7:30pm...one of the main reasons we chose the Embassy Suites hotel...ha ha.
I can't fully explain how awesome it was to get to hang out in person. Best friends just from some facebook chat? Is that possible we kept asking ourselves...umm.."totally!" We pretty much text all day long, even on the way there, and the way back..hehe. I miss them already! So so sad to say goodbye. If we lived near them we would be together all the time :( We decided we would go see them in Texas hopefully!! We need to go before we have to pay for a ticket for Dex..so before he is 2, and before we try again for another baby :) Now at least we have some happy memories to hang onto for awhile till the next visit! Cora, Evan, Logan, and Dex brought our friendship together. Thank you little ones :) Even in loss, we can find some joy :) Love ya buddy!

Michelle and Renee's adventure begins!!

Two years ago I met my best friend, Renee. Through our losses, we found friendship. If it weren't for facebook and the random pregnancy loss site I stumbled upon, we would have never met. Chatting on facebook we realized how much we had in common and then we exchanged phone numbers and began texting and talking every day! We spent lots of time crying together on the phone. When I found out I was pregnant again, she was the first person I called. At that point I was still in disbelief that it was true, but she said,"Michelle, that is positive..u r pregnant"..Just a few weeks later, she got to call me as well and tell me she was too! Evan and Cora were 4 weeks apart..and Logan and Dex are as well. We went through our loss, grief, and pregnancies together. Without her I would have never healed properly. We tried to make each other laugh when we never thought it would be possible, and didn't even feel guilty for it. In just a few hours I will finally get to hug her! Pictures soon to come!

Croup-tastic

Sooo, Dex is trying to get over Croup. It sucks. He has not been himself for a week now! He started out having a low grade fever for two days, poor guy, then not really wanting to eat, to having a major seal-like cough. The cough seems almost gone now, and he was on steroids for three days..but he still is a little plugged up and not really on his normal schedule.
I think he may have gotten me sick, but I am not sure. Maybe it's just from being out of sorts and tired. Hopefully he will kick this soon.
We are going to watch Derrick play soccer today, so that will be fun. Clare and Carl will be there, and I invited Elissa. Yay for being out with friends! It's so fun to bring the baby out to see everyone :)

7 Months and thinking back...

Little man is 7 months old! Can you believe it?! Seems like yesterday I was trying to figure out what kind of personality he was going to have by how he was in my belly. I determined he was going to be a very chill baby with super strong legs. So far I am correct! He wasn't super active in my belly, but he really had some pointy toes that would kill my side. I know for a fact Cora would have been super hyper, because she was moving around 24-7.
Today we went to Frederick Meijer Gardens and had such a great time. Just being a family and walking around with each other was an amazing feeling. Everything over the past two years felt so worthwhile.
Even though pregnancy was so scary for us, it's a risk worth taking to have this little gift, our son. Through all the shots, the worry, the pain, the stress, the lack of sleep during and after...it's the risk you take to become a parent. What would have happened if we stopped trying after Cora was born? What if we were too scared to never move forward? What if we let our fears get in the way? What if I decided to wait to try again after Cora was born, being that was what my doctor ordered? What if I had decided to listen to her, which I did not, and started trying asap.....? I decided to let my body do what it wanted to do, and not what a doctor decided. I do trust my doctor, but I knew that the only way I would get through Cora's death, was with new life. I know me better than anyone else. Sometimes we have to follow nature, and our bodies...and not strictly someones orders all the time.
To my dear friends, I say this, "Don't give up, it will happen. You will also be on the other side of this one day. You will not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but you will. Through these pregnancy hardships, losses, tears, and pain, it will make you a stronger and more amazing person..and look at life in a new light. You are not alone."
I remember after I delivered Cora, I looked at Derrick and said "I will never do this again." Who was I kidding? It took a few days before I realized we would get through this, and after going to all the adoption websites daily..and talking with Derrick. He said, "Let's just try again, if nothing happens, we will adopt, or, if we do get pregnant and everything turns out okay, we could still adopt."
I know people always say, "You are lucky you don't have to be a woman!"..but I disagree.
My heart weighs heavy for my friends. Dedicated to you.