Thinking of Zayde

My Zayde (grandfather)..is not doing well. He is one of the closest people in my life. I knew the day would come when he may not be around, but was pretty much in denial about it. I figured he would be around until my child was at least 6 years old. I love how I think I have control in the matter. (sarcasm). I am not prepared to see him in the hospital, and I don't know what to expect. What do you say to someone you care about so much, knowing that THEY know they won't be around for much longer? Can one possibly cheer them up? Is he ready to go? Is he pissed as hell he can't meet his great grandson? Am I supposed to pretend like it's not a big deal that they will never meet? It just all doesn't seem fair. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Life will not be the same without him. I won't get to hear his praises if I make him proud, or he won't be there to cheer me up when I am down. It sucks. When Cora died he helped to clear my head, along with my grandma. They had lost a baby girl as well. Cora's middle name was named after my Zayde. His name is Raymond, and Cora's middle name was Rae. He let me know how he handled things when his baby girl died, and told me how I would get through it. You think they will always be there, but life doesn't really happen that way. All I know is his blood runs through me, as well as Dex. Dex has blue eyes from my Zayde, down through my dad, and from myself. He is the reason we started having kids when we did. He called me and said "I'm not getting any younger, I would love some great grand kids!" so i obliged! Yet, ironically, he doesn't get to meet any of them. Life will just not be the same. He is the head of our family...and now that role will be eventually passed down to my dad.

Weekends are the best!

Today has been very relaxing. Dex usually wakes up pretty upset because he detests mornings just like his mother, but once he is up he is happy as can be. Derrick and I take turns getting things done on the weekend and I always take a bath in the morning first. On this particular morning we decided Dex wanted to take a dip with mommy. He loved it. I think he is going to be a big fan of the water. Thankfully we have the cottage to go to all summer. He is going to become a fish! I think we will start swim classes in a few months. It just is weird how our whole fam has to be in every room together, even the bathroom! Seriously..my pets are crazy.
We also have some nicknames or this little guy, such as: Goo, GooGoo face, BusterBrown, Bubbas, and Googie..Funny how that would have annoyed me when I wasn't a mom..haha Well, off to eat breakfast. Derrick makes me and Bob eggs every sat!

Dex went on his first vacation this week. We went to the Little River Casino, and Crystal Mountain. He did so well in the car. He slept the whole time. We also used his stroller for the first time, and he loved that! Since it's been so cold, I haven't had a chance to take Dex anywhere because I would rather him be in the warm house. This was a good experience to test it out and be outta the home for once. We went with Derricks fam, and they were kind enough to watch the babe while we gambled.

In the morning we went to Crystal Mountain so they could ski, and so I could go to the spa. everyone had a great time, and Dex was pretty pooped out that day. He slept in the stroller a decent amount.

It was also Derricks 30th bday, and I made him a mousepad with pictures of our family. He loved it, and Dex got daddy playing cards for poker. Was a great two days!

Loving Change!

Sooo...life has been busy! Since starting training I have finally used my muscles again, or basically for the first time..Not like I did sports or anything, ever. I am excited to see results in a few months! My diet is getting easier..but I have to get creative. I had shredded chicken in lettuce wrapped up last night..and salmon for lunch. I get to have a snack in between, so it's not like I'm starving..it's just that my body is craving frenchfries, and nuttybars.Argh! Not having bread is ok, I never really liked how full it made me feel. Derrick likes to still have yucky stuff in the house which does not help me any...so I may have to get rid of it all! My trainer is pretty cool, he isn't pushing me too crazy just yet. I am eating around 1200 calories a day right now..but it is ok, cuz I am basically eating all day.
Little Dex has turned 3 months! Can you believe it! He is cooing up a storm, and laughing! He really knows who his mommy is now! If someone else is holding him, he follows my voice around the room with his eyes. It's too cute! He loves bath time and splashing his feet in the water! Last night he decided to suck on his pointer fingers. He cringes when he bites down too hard! We are so lucky to have such a good baby!He only gets fussy for about a 5 minute stretch, until we figure out what the issue is. He enjoys watching the tv, which helps me out tons when I gotta make food, or clean, etc. Just pop him in the swing and he is content as can be! I usually find him talking to the screen. I still have not been really taking him out much unless it's to my families houses, doc appt's, or a friends house. I am just waiting till it is nicer out to use the stroller finally! Can u believe we haven't had a chance to use it yet?? I guess I wouldn't use it in the slushy snow, though. I hope we have a summer baby next time! Although at least in the winter one can hide the baby fat...hmmm...
Basically, life is going pretty good! We get to go out tonight for Derrick and Dj's birthday party at Craigs Cruisers, and then go downtown for drinks! Grandma will be happy to have a whole night with Dex tonight. That might be hard for me because I always put him down for the night. :( Oh well..I will see him when I get home, hopefully sleeping peacefully!

The path to healthier living

Since having Dex life has been lots easier mentally. Thinking back to everything that happened with Cora made me see who my true friends really are, and I look at life in a whole new light. It was like the blinds were finally lifted, if that makes sense. Little things don't matter. Life is short, and it's time I started living again! I am going to get my body healthy now, since my mind is finally healing, and I am going to get out of the house and back into the community. I will say good-bye to my old friend, "couch"....and say hello to my new friend "outside"....I just started working out with a personal trainer, and am excited to get myself healthy and in shape. This is a step I couldn't do without some help. I never have worked out or have done sports, so I wouldn't have a clue where to start without help. I feel this will make me a better parent as well, and have lots more energy. Another thing I want to challenge myself with, is to cut cheese out of my diet. For those of you who know me really well, I don't go a day without it! I am going a month without, and am hoping to see if my body will show some results from that as well. I figure I will reintroduce it slowly, but I might be grossed out by it after a month without it...(yeah right, what am i thinking, i will still love it..) So that is what the plan is for now. Little Dex will have a hot mom, and Derrick will be excited to have a hot wife again with the same body from highschool..(that's what I'm hoping!)

Haiti

I watched what was going on in Haiti today, and it does make one thankful for what we have. I feel awful for the poor little kids over there. I'm glad Amy said I could text 501-501, and text YELE..to donate. We will also go online to donate more...My little guy had started crying in his crib, and people keep saying "oh just let them cry"...but that little guy is lucky his parents ARE here to go pick him up..so up he went!!

Just thinking...

Just thinking about my cousin today and how strong she is. What we now share a bond of is not a bond I would want to share with anyone, but it helps knowing what another person is going through. I won't say anything cliche' about why things occur...I just am used to saying. "This sucks, and it will get easier". Much love to you today, and the rest of the following weeks..