Thinking of Zayde

My Zayde (grandfather)..is not doing well. He is one of the closest people in my life. I knew the day would come when he may not be around, but was pretty much in denial about it. I figured he would be around until my child was at least 6 years old. I love how I think I have control in the matter. (sarcasm). I am not prepared to see him in the hospital, and I don't know what to expect. What do you say to someone you care about so much, knowing that THEY know they won't be around for much longer? Can one possibly cheer them up? Is he ready to go? Is he pissed as hell he can't meet his great grandson? Am I supposed to pretend like it's not a big deal that they will never meet? It just all doesn't seem fair. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Life will not be the same without him. I won't get to hear his praises if I make him proud, or he won't be there to cheer me up when I am down. It sucks. When Cora died he helped to clear my head, along with my grandma. They had lost a baby girl as well. Cora's middle name was named after my Zayde. His name is Raymond, and Cora's middle name was Rae. He let me know how he handled things when his baby girl died, and told me how I would get through it. You think they will always be there, but life doesn't really happen that way. All I know is his blood runs through me, as well as Dex. Dex has blue eyes from my Zayde, down through my dad, and from myself. He is the reason we started having kids when we did. He called me and said "I'm not getting any younger, I would love some great grand kids!" so i obliged! Yet, ironically, he doesn't get to meet any of them. Life will just not be the same. He is the head of our family...and now that role will be eventually passed down to my dad.