Poster Child for Pregnancy Loss??

So, we lost the pregnancy, and I am back to myself again. Yes, of course we are sad that the baby is gone, but at the same time realized that this was not the right time. The relief I had when everything was said and done, made me realize that I wasn't even mentally prepared to go through another pregnancy just yet. I guess I pushed aside everything we went through to get Dex, and it was a very stressful 9 months going to three doctor appointment a week plus shots, tons of ultrasounds and turning my world upside down....and then, I got pregnant again and just figured since Dex came out okay, that maybe I wouldn't have to go through all that again. Turned out, when I met with my doctor after they saw the heartbeat, she said the specialists will want to take the same path as before, because I ended up with a healthy baby. Needless to say I was ready to do whatever they told me, but thinking about how that would be while having a toddler to watch, I was surely overwhelmed...I didn't think I would have to do all that again, and I was for sure stressed and upset thinking about it. I didn't know how I would have help every week to go to all the appointments, while working, while moving into a new salon, and not being able to be my full mommy potential to Dexter. This all was waring on me mentally. Also, having the dog to take care of as well...Sooooooooooooo...then I had all the bleeding which scared me deeply, I didn't want to lose this baby, but when I did, I finally knew I didn't have to worry about the blood anymore, I wasn't in limbo anymore, and I knew I could focus on what I needed to focus on and actually better prepare for when we do try again. I am not ready to try again any time soon. We will know when the time is right. This time we will actually plan it, and get things in order to prepare for everything we will need to do. We thank you for all your kind comments and prayers, and we are thankful for all your support. xoxo

Seriously?

As if mother nature hasn't messed with me enough already...it decided to throw me some curve balls. I was working all day, went to the bathroom and saw RED blood. Prior to this the past few weeks I have been spotting just old brown blood...which is supposedly normal. The doctor and nurses told me, if it's brown, you are all good, if it's red, please call us. Great, right?? So I call the doctor, and she says "well, sometimes people bleed, and I think you will be just fine because we saw the heart beat a few days ago"...needless to say it is hard to set the mind at ease when you are bleeding while pregnant...right? I basically went home to rest and put my feet up, which doesn't really work well with a 1 year old...so I ended up chasing him for awhile...until Derrick took over and played with him and put him to bed.

I have a pretty busy day again tomorrow, but my stylists have been doing pretty well with helping me shampoo or style my clients after I cut or color them. It helps so I can sit for those minutes at least. I didn't think I would have to start this early with getting "help". But I have learned to screw what people think, and just listen to my body. Everyone has an opinion either or, and this time I don't care what people think. I don't carry babies well, and if I need to take it easy, I will. With Cora I was working 40 hour weeks, no help, and look where it got me. I knew my body was sore, but everyone kept telling me.." so and so worked till full term, or nurses can do it, so suck it up, etc"...This time, and with Dex...I could care less now what people think. My staff is so supportive which is amazing..I guess we will just hope the blood doesn't keep coming back..that would make me feel better...

almost nine weeks

BABY IS ALIVE AND FLUTTERING! Saw and heard the heartbeat today. The secret is out, well, sorta, most of u knew! lol. Feeling much better about not having sickness cuz all is well! Finally feel like this is real now. It's all coming together. I will have to probably go on progesterone shots again weekly, and have weekly ultrasounds, but I will take it! Anything to help this little babe make it into the world :)

8 weeks 1 day

Had spotting once again today...was lighter than the first time. I feel as though carrying Dex around doesn't help any. My hips are already wrecked, and the sciatica has kicked in full force. You may ask yourself, isn't 8 weeks too early for all this? Sadly, no. You would think my body would be used to this by now. So, picking up Dex really sucks, cuz my hips burn, but my little love doesn't understand this, so I really don't have a choice in the matter. I have to get him in and out of his crib, and in and out of his highchair...so, i'm not sure how the rest of the world does this. "they" "doctors" tell you not to lift over 20 pounds for a reason....yet children weigh more than this....ah well. I will just have to suck that part up, and deal with the ouch factor, but I don't want to strain too much, because I feel as tho, that is the reason for my spotting..

In Charlie Sheens words, "my top half is for sure "winning" lol " You would think I had some plastic surgery done up in here.. Yay for that!

Still zero puke factor for me. Ultrasound in 4 days. Slowest week ever. Hopefully it's ok.

7 weeks

So I am 7 weeks, a little more tired. Still no sickness. This really does worry me...I was sick with the other two pregnancies...maybe I am just a trooper now, and used to it. I make sure to have food and drink by my bed...get a nap in when Dex does...who knows. It is still early..morning sickness could still come. It's just weird. I feel like I am in denial, and don't even feel pregnant..which also scares me..just a few more weeks till the ultrasound...ugh. I don't mind if people know that we are pregnant this early, if something happens, we will still tell people. It looks like so far we are due October 15th. So I had a baby in Dec, Nov, and now Oct....looks like I am going backwards..if we ever have another it should prob be due in Sept.(jk, i think 2 is the max)

My current baby is the size of a blueberry.

~7 weeks 1 day...just glad derrick is home to help when I need to take a nap. Dex still loves being carried, so I know that will have to dwindle the next few months... :(

~another day another freak out. Just want to know everything in here is growing ok. I feel pretty great, and that still worries me. Pregnancy is rough emotionally, people. I hope men reading this understand just how scary it all is. My mind is just so focused on knowing if things are ok, and how badly I want to share with the world everything going on...Not sure if I will share next week, or after the ultrasound...I am not one to hold things in. I have told lots of you already, but how can I not share with my friends? I would feel like I was hiding something, which I just don't do....Soon enough. I would love the next month to fly..

~8 weeks...spotting just once. I had this with Dex, but as one knows..spotting is pretty normal, or can maybe mean you are going to have a miscarriage....or could be an ectopic pregnancy...a missed miscarriage, or a molar pregnancy..... pretty awesome, huh?! Oh the joy! I seriously had blood clots come out while pregnant with Dex at around 5 or 6 weeks.....which was horribly scary, and I had gone to the ER, and it was too early to really see anything just yet...so a week later I went to my doctor, and they saw Dexs little heart beating at 6 weeks and 3 days old! So now I wait until Thursday for my ultrasound with this baby, and hope there is a heartbeat as well. Doctor didn't seem to worried about the little blood I saw today...so hopefully that stays at bay. I have been telling friends, family, and some clients about my pregnancy already, and it's nice to have people prayin for ya :)

Even though it's early, I already have my normal annoying symptoms...the first being my hips...they start killing almost right away..I assumed I had already spread a little from the past two pregnancies...seriously!? They just feel sore already. My other symptom is crying at everything. I still haven't gotten sick, and I just sometimes don't know what sounds good to eat...but I still find it scary I haven't puked yet. I seriously am a puker, so this is odd. I have a pretty sensitive stomach. Other symptoms...just needing fluids all the time..if I don't get enough I get a little light headed. I find it more challenging to take care of myself while having a 16 month old running rampant around me....So I really have to focus and make sure I eat and drink and not forget.I also run outta the house quickly to work, and sometimes forget food. If I am busy at work, my wonderful, beautiful coworkers will sometimes run out and grab me something. (luv you guys!)

Hmmm...what else...I haven't thought too hard yet about where this babies room will be, or how we will make it so Dex won't wake up hearing a screaming baby...once we know all is ok, we will go there...

It's been hard thinking about having two kids. I mean wow. TWO?! Eeeeek! Then I see a commercial for diapers or something and the little baby on the screen, and I just melt. It's so amazing! Coolest thing ever was giving birth to Dex. (It was cool cuz I couldn't feel anything, thank god!)...

(giving birth to Cora...was like...I can't describe it..I don't want to say the worst thing in the world, but more of a defining moment in my life...it was for sure the most painful physically and emotionally part of my life...but it happened, and that is that..It happened, it feels like it happen to someone else..I know I have pictures of her, and I see us holding her and everything...but it doesn't seem real..it feels like I was watching someone else's story.. If all goes well with this baby, I will have given birth three times..that really seems so strange to me as well...and in such a short span of time..from 08-11....three babies....can you comprehend this?

ruh roh!

So, I am starting this post sitting here being 6 weeks 1 day pregnant. We just found out the day before Valentines Day, and it was sorta a shock to us. We shouldn't be too shocked, but in the past 13 months we have not gotten pregnant, so we assumed we were in the clear like 95%...Anyway, enough with the TMI...

Basically I decided to take a test since I was on day 36 no period. To my SHOCK, I was preggo, and we weren't even trying. (again, don't judge) I was pretty freaked right away and started saying "SHIT" a bunch of times running down the stairs to Derrick who pretty much assumed I was pregnant. We didn't do much that day but avoid eye-contact. We were sorta in denial and pretty outta it. Derrick decided to make Chelsea and I a feast, and we tried to talk about random stuff at the table...The rest of the night, I had to call a few close people and have them calm me down. (Obviously I was hormonal! :) So, after that I felt a lot better.

The next day Derrick and I went out on V-Day for a celebratory dinner. (We of course went to Branns so I could get my crab topped tilapia)...We finally let it all sink in, and the excitement was finally there. How cool to have the kids close together so they can play and perhaps be close as well. Maybe even hang out a lot. Who knows. I am also writing to keep my mind off the impending ultrasound March 10th. The first trimester is so scary! What if they don't see anything? What if something is wrong? I don't have many symptoms right now, is everything ok? I am so excited now but I hate that lingering "what if?" I am trying to keep my cool, but it's hard to talk about the baby yet, not knowing if everything is ok.

Will we finally get the little girl we were planning on the first time....Will we get another little boy, and start making plans for a soccer team? Will we have twins?? All we can know for sure, is pretty much nothing yet! Derrick told me I better not have twins, so if that does happen, I am gonna tell those kids what daddy said! ha ha. Anyway, let's see..I am hungry a lot so far. Thirsty a lot...a little emotional...sore boobs..That is about it. Not sick yet or anything. Also a little tired, which is to be expected while chasing a 15 month old around. I should really be napping right now...which I still might do..Writing this is also helping me avoid posting it on FB yet, although most friends know already anyway. Who knows. I will wait and go to the doc first. Ok, that is all for now. Naptime

January fun!

Hi all! So this month has been an adventure! I hadn't flown for a few years, and had worked myself up for months before my 2 trips..After having Dex, my extreme hate for flying got way worse. It wasn't to the point of stopping me from doing it, just the super anxious feeling, and fear of plummeting to my death, pretty much. Thankfully I had Carly(my cousin) with me for the first trip to CA. We both hate flying, and it was a riot to see us together trying to make the other one breathe, or eat twizzlers every five seconds to remain calm. No joke. ha ha. I have to say Carly did better than myself, she might think different...but I disliked the ride greatly! Needless to say, we made it safe and sound, and had a great time visiting her sister Erin, my cousin, and her new little bundle, Wesley! That trip was difficult being away from Dex. I think it was just a day or two too long for me. Dex was in love mode when I got home, so that was nice!

My next adventure was flying to FL to meet Derrick while he was away on business. This was to be a little more crazy for me. I am sorta a wuss, to put it frankly, and was nervous to travel by myself. Of course I sucked it up, because this was going to be a great get away for us, even if only for a few days. I was new to this de-icing the plane thing. I assumed I would just get on, and quickly get to Detroit to meet my connecting flight...but rather, we de-iced for like 30-40 minutes...and I was already panicking about making the next flight. We ended up landing when my next plane would have been boarding. Derrick called me and said my next flight was delayed 2o minutes, and that I should run like hell to the next gate. Mind you I was at gate C22, needing to get to gate A66!!! Needless to say, I ran like I never ran before. Turned out my next flight was NOT delayed, and I got there 3 minutes after the initial flight time(which was AMAZING, i might add)...and the gate man shook his head sadly at me, and gave me a new ticket for 3 and a half hours later! Go figure, right? I was just happy I could still get a flight the same day. Not sure what would have happened if I couldn't. Probably would have called all my Detroit friends to come get me! Hehe. I was pretty much 1 of a few others that also missed that flight. I was looking for someone to hang out with, cuz that is me, and I am social. Luckily, a wonderful girl came and sat across from me also distressed! We pretty much just looked at each other, and said "bar?" This was great. We hung out for three hours, and she turned out to be a writer for a hair magazine, go figure, right? Yes, we are now FB friends, if you were wondering. ;) When we got on the next plane, we also were in the same row, not the same section, but just across from each other. Turns out she hated airplanes as well, even though she travels for work. We kept checking each others facial expressions, if turbulance occured. haha. I know you are thinking I am sooo lame. I don't care. I am lame, and proud, and I love meeting new people. Especially this adorable 25 year old Columbian girl, dating a jewish boy. Seriously, could it get any better? ha ha.

I lucked out having the seat next to me empty, but I had a 50 some year old man sitting in the isle seat. He wasn't shy, and let it be known I could hang out with him while my husband was working. I for sure decided to go to sleep after this, and when I woke he told me he would have bought me a drink but didn't want to wake me. I thanked him for not waking me, and that I didn't want a drink. ;) We did however discuss investments, because that was what he does..so that was errr interesting...passed some of the time at least..maybe he was trying to explain to me how he now doesn't have to work, so he pulls money from them..and the whole time I was wondering why he was sitting in coach if he was so rich he didn't have to work...anyway....

So I made it to FL, introduced my new friend to Derrick, and said goodbye to my new bud! Derrick was proud that I didn't freak out, and made it safely. Turns out I kinda enjoyed my little traveling adventure so far.

Derrick and I immediatly went to a bar on the water at around 1am when I landed. That was fun and much needed. We met some very drunk business men in horticulture business, and let the amuse us that night. For some reason they had to tell everyone we were from MI every so often, and people were intrigued for some reason...Even though EVERYONE I met at our hotel was from MI, and everyone everywhere we went was pretty much from MI. So it was interesting..

We pretty much stayed at the hotel pool every morning, even when it was cold. I had a sweatshirt on over my suit, and laid out like this so I could at least tan my face! The other days were warmer at least! We had a great place to eat for breakfast next door, and I got smoked salmon every morning. We ate somewhere yummy for lunch and dinner each day. Food is amazing. I had seafood the whole time. We went to the awesome Hard Rock Hollywood Casino, and that took up two of our nights. We just walked around and ate at Hooters the second night. It was in the casino. We figured we already ate at the fancy place where they were serving $62 lobster. (We didn't get the lobster)

Needless to say, it was super relaxing, and we had a great time! This time however, I could have stayed longer. Dex was in great hands, and he wasn't really missing me it seemed! lol! Driving to the airport sucked the last day because I had to leave by myself again. Derrick had to stay and drive to Tampa for more work. Landing in Detroit was super depressing, I thought we had somehow detoured to Alaska. It looked like it, anyway. I was already frowning at the snow. I got home, and my dad was just about to drop off Dexter to me! They walked in the door, and he immediatly grabbed for me and hugged and hugged me. He was very happy! Then he helped me roll my luggage into the kitchen. Such a little helper. Then the excitement wore off, and he was running around playing with his toys. Ah well. Dex was also awesome for sleeping in until almost 9:20am...yay! He knew mommy needed rest from her travel day. :)

Now I wait for Derrick to come home on Friday! Hopefully not too many more biz trips coming up..(unless i get to go, hehe)

That's all she wrote!

:-P