Loving Change!

Sooo...life has been busy! Since starting training I have finally used my muscles again, or basically for the first time..Not like I did sports or anything, ever. I am excited to see results in a few months! My diet is getting easier..but I have to get creative. I had shredded chicken in lettuce wrapped up last night..and salmon for lunch. I get to have a snack in between, so it's not like I'm starving..it's just that my body is craving frenchfries, and nuttybars.Argh! Not having bread is ok, I never really liked how full it made me feel. Derrick likes to still have yucky stuff in the house which does not help me any...so I may have to get rid of it all! My trainer is pretty cool, he isn't pushing me too crazy just yet. I am eating around 1200 calories a day right now..but it is ok, cuz I am basically eating all day.
Little Dex has turned 3 months! Can you believe it! He is cooing up a storm, and laughing! He really knows who his mommy is now! If someone else is holding him, he follows my voice around the room with his eyes. It's too cute! He loves bath time and splashing his feet in the water! Last night he decided to suck on his pointer fingers. He cringes when he bites down too hard! We are so lucky to have such a good baby!He only gets fussy for about a 5 minute stretch, until we figure out what the issue is. He enjoys watching the tv, which helps me out tons when I gotta make food, or clean, etc. Just pop him in the swing and he is content as can be! I usually find him talking to the screen. I still have not been really taking him out much unless it's to my families houses, doc appt's, or a friends house. I am just waiting till it is nicer out to use the stroller finally! Can u believe we haven't had a chance to use it yet?? I guess I wouldn't use it in the slushy snow, though. I hope we have a summer baby next time! Although at least in the winter one can hide the baby fat...hmmm...
Basically, life is going pretty good! We get to go out tonight for Derrick and Dj's birthday party at Craigs Cruisers, and then go downtown for drinks! Grandma will be happy to have a whole night with Dex tonight. That might be hard for me because I always put him down for the night. :( Oh well..I will see him when I get home, hopefully sleeping peacefully!

The path to healthier living

Since having Dex life has been lots easier mentally. Thinking back to everything that happened with Cora made me see who my true friends really are, and I look at life in a whole new light. It was like the blinds were finally lifted, if that makes sense. Little things don't matter. Life is short, and it's time I started living again! I am going to get my body healthy now, since my mind is finally healing, and I am going to get out of the house and back into the community. I will say good-bye to my old friend, "couch"....and say hello to my new friend "outside"....I just started working out with a personal trainer, and am excited to get myself healthy and in shape. This is a step I couldn't do without some help. I never have worked out or have done sports, so I wouldn't have a clue where to start without help. I feel this will make me a better parent as well, and have lots more energy. Another thing I want to challenge myself with, is to cut cheese out of my diet. For those of you who know me really well, I don't go a day without it! I am going a month without, and am hoping to see if my body will show some results from that as well. I figure I will reintroduce it slowly, but I might be grossed out by it after a month without it...(yeah right, what am i thinking, i will still love it..) So that is what the plan is for now. Little Dex will have a hot mom, and Derrick will be excited to have a hot wife again with the same body from highschool..(that's what I'm hoping!)

Haiti

I watched what was going on in Haiti today, and it does make one thankful for what we have. I feel awful for the poor little kids over there. I'm glad Amy said I could text 501-501, and text YELE..to donate. We will also go online to donate more...My little guy had started crying in his crib, and people keep saying "oh just let them cry"...but that little guy is lucky his parents ARE here to go pick him up..so up he went!!

Just thinking...

Just thinking about my cousin today and how strong she is. What we now share a bond of is not a bond I would want to share with anyone, but it helps knowing what another person is going through. I won't say anything cliche' about why things occur...I just am used to saying. "This sucks, and it will get easier". Much love to you today, and the rest of the following weeks..

Funny Buddy

Dex loves to play and interact these days! If I turn away or something he starts to make noises, so I turn back and he is all smiles. He loves to get kisses, and be talked to. His other new fave toy is a stuffed puppy that plays music. He is getting so big! He is starting to look like a little person now, too fun.

Happy Baby!

Dex finally is happy and himself again! I had over Shannon, Karyn, Stacy, and Shannons baby Liam last night. Dex was calm and not fussy. Shannon told me about the Mycolin drops, and we gave those to him. He liked the flavor too. We had a great taco night, and it was good to see everyone.
When I got home from work today, we tried out the Bumbo seat. He really liked it! I thought he looked so funny in it.

SHOTS

Well, Dex got his first set of shots. We didn't have any done at birth because we wanted to wait until he was older and stronger. He received three shots the other day, and an oral. He has not been the same since...just pretty irritated. I am hoping this gets better. Dex was screaming on and off all day, and just whimpering the day before. I have a feeling his legs are sore from the shots. After I gave him the tylenol tonight, he pretty much passed out. I am hoping he will be better tomorrow. Also, he has not pooped since the other day...hoping he gets that back to normal again too! I dunno why the little guy is so off...even his feeding are off. He falls asleep between bottles, and then we don't know how much he wants the next time, or when. A bit confusing since he was like clockwork prior to that day...hoping we can get him regulated again..poor little guy.

A New Beginning!

For the weeks after Cora left us, all we wanted to do was have another baby. We switched doctors and went to a specialist. Dr. Freeburger told us to wait for a certain amount of months until we healed emotionally and physically. We tried a little earlier than we were supposed to...and WHAM, pregnant. What was weird though, is that after I had missed my period...it didn't show positive until three weeks later. Everyone obviously thought I was nuts, because I kept saying that I just knew I was! I felt different, and emotional, granted with all that had happened it was to be expected. I don't know if anyone knew what I was going through the day I was about to take that positive pregnancy test...but I was driving around crying all day. It started when I went to Barnes and Noble to get books on pregnancy loss. I was crying the whole time in the store and had to leave. I ended up calling my Financial Advisor lady who was a big support to me at that time. She had given birth to a child years ago that did not survive as well. She calmed me down and I was heading home anyway.
When I got home my neighbors, an elderly couple, were outside doing yardwork. When I lost Cora, I hadn't told them yet because I didn't leave the house for a month or so, and didn't want to bring it up. When I got out of my car, they exclaimed "Where is the baby?! We want to meet her!" I dropped to the ground bawling. They assumed I went into labor and had the baby and all was fine. They brought me inside their house and comforted me. It was rough. When I went into my house finally, I decided to take one last test. There was a big blue plus sign??!! I thought I was nuts. I had Derrick bring home more tests. Sure enough all positive. I called my friend Renee in Texas in disbelief. I still was telling her that I didn't believe it. We both were trying to get pregnant again, as she lost a little boy named Evan, around the same time.
Because no one knew what happened with my last pregnancy, I was deemed "high risk". I had to get weekly injections of progesterone which hurt really bad in my tushy. I also had weekly ultrasounds/checkups. I decided not to work during this pregnancy because it would be too much mentally, physically, and i had to schedule all these doc appt's.
This pregnancy was going pretty well, but obviously mentally it was rough. I did lots of therapy and whatnot to get me through it.
We had one scare with the specialists, when they found something in our sons brain. They didn't tell us anything except they will check it again a few weeks later. We were a mess. They made it seem like it was life threatening at the time or something. Stupid doctor. It turned out to be nothing at all.
Needless to say, everything else went great besides my horrible ligament pain. I couldn't really sit, stand, or walk comfortably! It was all worth it though! Our little man finally arrived, and we can finally breathe again! Now the parenting with new worries begins!

2008 and beyond....

For those of you who do not know our past, it seemed like life began and ended in 2008. We found out that we were going to be first time parents, and we were elated. My pregnancy was going perfect, until I went into pre-term labor at 22 weeks. Our daughter, Cora Rae, did not survive because she was too little..weighing in at only 1 pound 2 ounces. We were lucky enough to be able to hold her while she took her last breath. I won't go into details, as we are finally moving forward..but for those of you who thankfully were around to help us get through that time...you know what awful time that was.
All I want to say is, that if you know anyone who has lost a pregnancy, whether through miscarriage, birth, pre-term labor, or some other sort of way..Please just be there for them. All you have to do is be there. You don't have to say or do anything, just give a hug if you don't know what to do or say. Also know there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no period of time that is "normal" to be healed. We all heal at our own pace. When one loses a child, you lose a part of yourself for life. It is like someone tore a limb from you. I wish it upon not even my worst enemy.