My Zayde, Raymond Swidersky
I've been dreading this day my whole life. I always wondered how many years I would get to keep him. How would I react, feel,think? I have never lost a best friend before.
Zayde would make me feel better about any situation and would actually listen to me with his heart . Just knowing he loved me made things right in my world. I dunno how I got so lucky to have this man in my life who unconditionally accepted me, flaws and all. He knew me to the core.
My grandparents have always been my second set of parents. Whenever I called, they were both on the line to chat. Grandma, always there to give it to me straight, words of wisdom and things I needed to hear, and Zayde agreeing with her, but also softening the message in his Zayde-way. The calls always ended with Zayde saying, "love you, baby". These 3 words were very crucial growing up. I couldn't wait to hear them after every call or visit.
He was around and there for all my milestones. When Zayde found out I had a new boyfriend, he make sure he got a chance to have a phone conversation with him. I warned, my now husband, how protective my Zayde was of me. All I heard through the phone was, "I'll break both your arms and legs if you ever hurt my baby" That was Zayde, straight to the point. We always laugh about that.
Zayde let me live my life and never really asked too much from me, but one day we were talking and he said, "I'm not getting any younger, I want great grand babies" And when Zayde says jump, you jump.
I did get pregnant shortly after, but sadly we ended up losing her. Of course Zayde was there to pick up some of the pieces. He told me there was a Swidersky curse and that all the women in our family lost their first child. He then opened up to me about Debra Rae. They lost their first daughter, too. I didn't even know her name until I lost my daughter, Cora Rae. I couldn't believe they even had the same middle name.(of course we both named them after him, Raymond) In that dark time, he came to my rescue. I didn't feel so alone. They knew my pain.
Friends would always talk about gifts they received from their grandparents, but mine never did that. We didn't get presents, but what we did get was love, values, and life lessons. Their words always in the back of my head. "Get a job", "Don't rely on a man", "Make sure you can provide for yourself". This is what caused my drive to succeed. I just wanted them to see I was trying, and that they didn't need to worry.
Everyone knew where my designated spot to sit was when we would visit...with Zayde in the Zayde chair, on Zaydes lap. This continued until I was 34 years old.
In my family we always joked about my brother Steve being the favorite child. First borns always have more photos in the photo album. I was totally ok with that since he is a pretty amazing guy, and totally deserving of that title. But, hands down, I was Zaydes favorite. :) Grandma, obviously came first, though. Oh, how he worshiped her! I used to walk in on them kissing, and I thought they were so cute. We used to joke about their age difference. I would ask, "Wait a minute, how old was she when you asked her out??" They would just crack up.
My Zayde cheated death numerous times. I feel like I prepared so many goodbyes, but he squeezed in some more great years. My son Dexter taught him how to use an Ipad, and he got to meet my daughter, Wren. He lived a long life with so many people that deeply loved him. Those blue eyes, that smile, and his laugh. Dad and I both agree his hands were the softest hands in the world.
Imagining a life without Zayde is very difficult, but we were all so lucky to have him.
I'm just gonna miss those 3 words, "love you, baby"
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Michelle
