December 4th-
So I sit here posting yet once again.My life that is all things consumed by pregnancy,children,miscarriage,preterm labor....
I sit here finding out that we are pregnant once again. I took a test five days ago, and burst into tears of happiness.We started trying in Nov, and low and behold, it worked! I will say we are very lucky to be able to get pregnant so fast, but it is holding on to the little baby that we have to worry about.I have a good feeling about this one,so I hope I am not jinxing myself.I just feel ok about it even though my stomach is in knots daily with worry...can't seem to stop that.I feel super tired,hungry, and so far a little nauseous..not bad yet.I am only five weeks along.This is just exciting and crazy.I wanted to be pregnant before Cora's birthday, and it happened! I shouldn't put pressure on myself like that, but I am a control freak and that is just who I am.
6weeks- So the puking occurred at the same time getting some sorta cold or virus thing. Mucus dripping down your throat only enhances the nausea. I am currently 7 weeks along writing about the past week. I didn't leave my bed for days, and my moms' had to come watch Dexter since I was glued to the toilet/kleenix box/bed. It was a shitty week. Once my cold thing started letting up my all day sickness started to go away. I wasn't sick just in the morning, it was all day, and the worst at night. Night makes everything worse, I swear. I don't understand how people can eat nutritiously in their first trimester if you have nausea. The only items that sounded ok to eat were cheezits, coco pebbles, cheese, cream cheese toast, juice, and crackers.
7weeks same day-later in the night. Threw up my taco dip.I start getting sick yucky anywhere between 6-8pm. This is new for me. I wasn't sick with Dexter. Ughh, it's rough because I have issues with my stomach and it's difficult to stop throwing up once I start. Ever since I was little I have had this issue. Something with a weak pyloric valve, I believe. In any case, I usually end up in the ER from dehydration since I can't stop puking. So far I have been managing ok enough. It hasn't been continuous. Just once then done. Fingers crossed. With Cora I ended up in the hospital at 8 weeks because I had such bad all day sickness. Makes me think this one is a girl as well. With my last miscarriage I didn't have any sickness, so I thought that one may have been a boy. Ya never know, but it's a thought.
7 weeks 3 days- pretty cool that i have no bleeding...I bled with Dex and the last pregnancy. This one, nada. Perhaps another good sign. Waiting for ultrasound on Jan 6th to see if all is well. I got food down today, so that is a bonus. Haven't done well with taking my vitamins. They just make me puke...
8 weeks- Gummy bear vitamins to the rescue + b6 + unisom = me feeling much better. Everyone gets you so freaked out that if you don't take your vitamins you are putting your baby at such risk, and the fact I couldn't keep my vitamins down was probably giving me much un-needed anxiety and not helping with my sensitive stomach already. Since the doc said I could take the gummy bear vitamins, which are delicious, might i add...i have been feeling much better. Coincidence, maybe, or maybe I was just getting over the hump of the 1st trimester sickness crap.. With Cora I was only sick for about 2 to 3 weeks as well...So this might be my norm. Or the worry part sets in and says, "uh oh, are my symptoms going away, is all well??" So either or, I gotta wait till my ultrasound to see what is going on. I got my blood and all that taken the other day, so if they don't call me from that, at least that part is fine.
We are still sorta pretending we aren't pregnant until we hear if everything is ok. We don't get to celebrate like most people or talk about the future baby until way later since we know what can occur. Having had early, and late pregnancy loss really blows since it forces the consecutive pregnancies to be so much less exciting in the beginning.
random thought-I told a girlfriend that when I was getting my blood taken, that the lady asked when I was due, and I just sorta sat there for a minute all confused...I really wasn't talking about that baby like it could actually potentially be viable yet, or have a chance to be born, because my brain just can't go there..I eventually told her August 6th like it was programmed to come out of my mouth. It was sorta odd for me though, and eye opening about how my mind was actually protecting itself from another loss. (if that makes sense)
I feel like things are progressing ok. My stomach is starting to pooch, I have all the healthy normal signs going on, so so far it feels ok. I just hate how I know how life will trick you so bad and put a damper on things. Sooo, I sit and wait. I make no plans of a future child, even tho I am supposedly pregnant.
Derrick seems pretty positive about this one, as do the rest of my family and friends, which is great. If I can't be super positive yet, it's good others can.
I have told a decent amount of family and friends, since I was pretty much bed ridden for two weeks. It's not something I can hide very easily. My clients know I never just move their appointments around for two weeks straight. They know me, and they know the drill when I get pregnant...being this my 4th time. FOURTH! One baby so far outta 4 tries. Can you believe that? I still can't. Anyway...no one ever knows what life will throw at them. I use to think I had so much control over my world, and yet, it's scary when you realize you don't.
8 weeks 2 days- Back to work! So far so good, just pooped.Tired and pooped. At least it's the normal stuff! It's nice Derrick will watch Dex at night for a few hours so I can just sit.
I recently had a few friends share with me they are also pregnant. Super exciting, yet also super awful thoughts in my head. (what if one of us miscarries!? how awful for the other person!) It's a common thought. It happens all the time so it is pretty horrifying to me. I don't want anyone else going through it, and I don't want to go through it either..just hoping everyone is ok! Fingers and toes crossed. I would say I would pray, but I am not sure about that whole thing. You can pray as much as you want, but it doesn't stop anything from occurring that will just occur..... Things just happen on their own,so I find just dealing with what is currently going on , and just trying to be patient is the best way for me.
TODAY!-JAN 6th! Ultrasound day. There is indeed in fact, a baby in there. Just one. It was moving, and had a heartbeat. PHEW! I guess I think I am pregnant now. I'm just about 10 weeks. Heartbeat was 170ish. Hearbeats are always fast in the beginning, It will get a little slower in a few weeks. Things the Doc said: 1.) Shots of progesterone begin at 14 weeks. Just like with Dexter, for precaution. Those I will get weekly.2.) Gotta also have those weekly appointments at the Maternal Fetal clinic. This is both scary and awesome. For one, I get an ultrasound basically every week, but two, I get to have specialists knit pick at every little baby detail and scare the bajesus outta me. For instance when they saw a bunch of cysts in dexters head at 16 weeks, and put us in a room with a tissue box...That was just a horrific experience..to which the horrible doctor with horrible bedside manner EVENTUALLY stated..most of the time those cysts just disappear....It's just that usually they disappear by 20 weeks, so ya never actually see them and have to worry...GOTTA LOVE IT. 3.) Dexter needs to be in a big boy bed before I get super big, Doctors words. She doesn't want me lifting him out of a crib, and said it would be nearly impossible anyway. No biggie there. So there you have it, in a nutshell!
Still very cautious, but there is nothing I can do about anything. Whatever will be, will be! Hopefully it will just BE!
